Orson, you won't believe what they're saying about marriage...

I'm old enough to remember Mork and Mindy. Mork, an alien from the planet Ork has been assigned to observe human behaviour, by Orson - his mostly unseen and long-suffering superior.

(For the record my favourite alien growing up was Marvin the Martian, but his mission to blow up Earth because it blocked his view of Venus didn't quite fit the intro of this post).

How would Mork describe marriage?

In 2015 the likelihood is that his report would be confused, because we're bombarded with contradictory messages about it on an almost daily basis. Some people think it's great, so great in fact that the UK has redefined its laws so that more people can get married. Others think it's atrocious and waste of time and money - it's a piece of paper which is pretty meaningless and they can live without it. Somewhere in the middle are the people that think it's great, but enter into married life on the assumption that it won't last and 'protect' themselves against loss by entering into prenuptial agreements.

In Ephesians 5:22-33 Paul outlines God's view of marriage. Often taken out of context, Paul's description of marriage often comes in for a fair bit of criticism, and some brush it off as being culturally irrelevant and not something we need to concern ourselves with. Wives submitting to husbands? Husbands loving wives sacrificially? Come now Paul - it might have been acceptable nearly 2000 years ago but not now?

Zoom back a bit and put this passage into the context of Ephesians, where we're no longer to live like the world; where we're to stand out as careful, wise and filled with the Holy Spirit. Paul's encouraging us to follow God's blueprint for marriage - fixed and unchanging - a marked contrast from society at large.

But how do we square this idea of submission and sacrifice - surely that's not right for today?

Again, look at the bigger picture. Paul is describing two relationships here - husband and wife, and Christ and the church. The two relationships are totally interweaved and inseparable in this passage. Therefore, when we look at God's design for Christ and the church, we see what marriage should look like. Marriage, as a result, should reflect the relationship between Christ and the church. Rather than a societal tool to stop us getting lonely, the Bible presents marriage as a visual aid that puts the good news about Jesus on display for the world to see.

In that context, submission isn't a negative or emotive word - it's an expression of how the Church submits to the headship Christ. It's the order of things that God stamped on the world but it doesn't mean that wives are doormats; it doesn't give men a right to disregard the worth of their wives. The instruction to prevent that happening is right here in this passage too - a husband should love his wife as Christ loved the Church- perfectly, sacrificially, willingly putting her before himself. Jesus gave everything, including his very life, for the Church - that's the standard to which husbands must love their wives. And guys, remember that in God's order you don't just lead your and love your wife - one day God will call you to account for her, and for the quality and integrity of your family life, just like Adam was called to account for Eve. Still need convincing you need to take this seriously?

So God's design for marriage sets a challenge for both men and women, as they become "one flesh" - a complete union, but don't forget the bigger picture: since the start of this letter to the Ephesians Paul has honed in on the unity of the Church - and the perfect union the Church will have with Christ.