We could do cute...

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Okilly-dokilly, let's look at parenting...

In our last post we looked at what Paul teaches about marriage, and specific instructions he gives to husbands and wives.
 

Now if there’s one thing that will rankle people more than taking instruction about marriage, it’s giving them advice on how to raise their kids, but Paul’s not shying away from that in Ephesians 6:1-4.

Remember Paul’s key theme through this latter part of his letter to the Ephesians, summed up in Ephesians 4:17 is that Christians should play their part in, and be part of the local Church, and that involves making changes in the way they live and behave which reflects the changes God has made in them.
 

If Paul’s advice last time was about marriage reflecting Christ, this time it’s about the family reflecting Christ.

What does that mean? When we look at a Christian family, are we looking for the real life Ned, Maude, Rod and Todd Flanders?

To a degree – yes - but before you panic and run screaming for the hills, let me explain.

Paul urges parents, in the way they choose to raise their kids, to identify what’s of primary importance and to let that shine through in the priorities and goals we set for ourselves. It starts with parents, because kids learn from what we teach them, but also how they see us live when we’re behind closed doors.

What's of primary importance? Paul gives us a hint by quoting directly from Deuteronomy 5:16, where the Israelites are ready to take possession of the promised land and Moses is teaching them about the land, the Lord, and the promise which was for generations to come.

Paul’s applying that to us today, living under God’s new promise that he’ll accept Jesus’ perfect life and blameless death on our behalf that we can be part of a grander promise that’s yet to come – the new heaven and earth that’s described in the last book of the Bible – Revelation.

If we follow Paul’s logic, the result of living in the light of this promise and all of the changes it makes to the way we think, speak and behave, is that children obey their parents because they recognise that their parents love them and want to help them understand that promise for themselves.

But, that happens when parents don’t exasperate their children, when we don’t put things in the way that prevent them from learning; when we’re not so full-on and dictatorial about every minute aspect of their lives that they zone out and stop listening when we try to talk about the importance of our life-changing saviour. And when I write parents, let’s make no bones about who Paul says has the primary responsibility here – Fathers, it’s you. It’s your job to teach your kids about God – not the Church, not youth leaders, not Sunday school teachers – you.

Thankfully there are some great resources to help us do that, and you can find some of them in our bookshop. But remember, teaching materials will say far less than your attitude, behaviour and priorities ever could.

So, back to good old Ned and Maude Flanders – a couple who wear their faith on their sleeve and live it out for the kids, and the world to see what Jesus means to them. Doesn’t sound so bad after all, does it?

Orson, you won't believe what they're saying about marriage...

I'm old enough to remember Mork and Mindy. Mork, an alien from the planet Ork has been assigned to observe human behaviour, by Orson - his mostly unseen and long-suffering superior.

(For the record my favourite alien growing up was Marvin the Martian, but his mission to blow up Earth because it blocked his view of Venus didn't quite fit the intro of this post).

How would Mork describe marriage?

In 2015 the likelihood is that his report would be confused, because we're bombarded with contradictory messages about it on an almost daily basis. Some people think it's great, so great in fact that the UK has redefined its laws so that more people can get married. Others think it's atrocious and waste of time and money - it's a piece of paper which is pretty meaningless and they can live without it. Somewhere in the middle are the people that think it's great, but enter into married life on the assumption that it won't last and 'protect' themselves against loss by entering into prenuptial agreements.

In Ephesians 5:22-33 Paul outlines God's view of marriage. Often taken out of context, Paul's description of marriage often comes in for a fair bit of criticism, and some brush it off as being culturally irrelevant and not something we need to concern ourselves with. Wives submitting to husbands? Husbands loving wives sacrificially? Come now Paul - it might have been acceptable nearly 2000 years ago but not now?

Zoom back a bit and put this passage into the context of Ephesians, where we're no longer to live like the world; where we're to stand out as careful, wise and filled with the Holy Spirit. Paul's encouraging us to follow God's blueprint for marriage - fixed and unchanging - a marked contrast from society at large.

But how do we square this idea of submission and sacrifice - surely that's not right for today?

Again, look at the bigger picture. Paul is describing two relationships here - husband and wife, and Christ and the church. The two relationships are totally interweaved and inseparable in this passage. Therefore, when we look at God's design for Christ and the church, we see what marriage should look like. Marriage, as a result, should reflect the relationship between Christ and the church. Rather than a societal tool to stop us getting lonely, the Bible presents marriage as a visual aid that puts the good news about Jesus on display for the world to see.

In that context, submission isn't a negative or emotive word - it's an expression of how the Church submits to the headship Christ. It's the order of things that God stamped on the world but it doesn't mean that wives are doormats; it doesn't give men a right to disregard the worth of their wives. The instruction to prevent that happening is right here in this passage too - a husband should love his wife as Christ loved the Church- perfectly, sacrificially, willingly putting her before himself. Jesus gave everything, including his very life, for the Church - that's the standard to which husbands must love their wives. And guys, remember that in God's order you don't just lead your and love your wife - one day God will call you to account for her, and for the quality and integrity of your family life, just like Adam was called to account for Eve. Still need convincing you need to take this seriously?

So God's design for marriage sets a challenge for both men and women, as they become "one flesh" - a complete union, but don't forget the bigger picture: since the start of this letter to the Ephesians Paul has honed in on the unity of the Church - and the perfect union the Church will have with Christ.